So, not quite a week since my daughter in law patiently guided me through a tutorial on how to navigate this new acquaintance called my blog. Now, a mere few days later, I sit bewildered on how to continue and enter a second post without my computer whiz girl by my side. A multitude of ideas and thoughts have been on a constant reel through my head, but I haven’t managed to nudge myself out of my ‘safe place’ and actually attempt to put them on ‘cyber’ paper without a coach to lead me through. And, although I have actually told several people about the fabulous gift of a blog which was bestowed upon me, I have yet to reveal to anyone how to find it. Such silly insecurities!
This week has launched 2015. I won’t ruminate on the overused idea of a new year, opportunity for changes, blah, blah, blah. A symbolic page did flip on the calendar, to be sure. But, there is nothing magical about the subtle slide of one day or year into the next. It is merely the passage of time as we have chosen to define it. The difference lies in the opportunity, real or created by our mind, to step forward into each sunrise with renewed gratitude for the gift of life and the conviction to grasp those moments with the determination to use and appreciate them all.
I began this new page in my story by stepping out rather boldly, and doing it in a manner which I will have others to hold me accountable. It is simply too easy to waiver in personal fortitude when making “plans to change”. Even if I fail in my attempts, I only suffer in my own private guilt. It is a different situation if someone I love, someone I hold dear, someone I respect, someone I don’t want to disappoint is in my corner. It steels my resolve to do what I know I am capable of doing.
So, having planted my intentions for 2015 firmly in my mind, I am stepping forward on my journey. Join me if you wish. I welcome your love and energy.
Two days into the new year, I declare:
This year will be about me. It sounds so selfish, but it is time, and I deserve to love and honor myself with the same nurturing spirit that I try to give to those in my world.
Creativity feeds my soul, and I long to give my muse wings. For that reason, I have enrolled in a year long online art course. It feels foreign to find myself a part of a vast worldwide community of like minded artists, and I have not yet had the courage to share any of my work or comments on the group forum. But, I am reading and looking at the posts and marveling at the support and praise that this multitude of strangers is offering to one another. And, it excites me to know that I belong to that energy, albeit currently silently and somewhat insecure. But, my confidence will grow, and I anticipate tapping into that well of common creativity. One of the first lessons led us on a guided meditation to find our “word” for the year, which will lead us in the path we need to go. Mine is: FREEDOM…to find my true self.
This blog. It feels so wonderful to write. It is a gift that has been mine from an early age (at least, that is what I have been told repeatedly by many through the years),and one which has provided me with insight and solace. And, I do believe in my heart that it is one of the greatest talents I possess. To write fills me with such a sense of my own power, the ability to take twenty six letters, formulate them into words and then to set them onto a page in such a way to express an idea, tell a story, speak to someone’s heart…what an incredible capability to have within my grasp. Perhaps I overrate my ability, but I think not. In addition to being kind to myself this year, I hope to be honest with myself. And that includes recognizing and embracing my strengths. So, I shall overcome the technical challenges of this media. I will learn to set up categories and archive. I will post pictures. I will face down my fear. I will write.
Relationships. That is an all encompassing challenge, because my relationships swirl around the core of my being, intersecting each other, often tangling the fragile threads that connect them to my heart. It is a great wish of mine to have unity, harmony and love with all of the relationships in my world. Such a complicated hope, but one which I will never relinquish. While I now recognize and accept that I cannot bear the full load of resolving old destructive patterns, I am at peace that I will be open to whatever hands are extended toward me in love and reconciliation. I am weary of picking scabs off old wounds or trying to cover a scar of an old injury. I cannot change the past. I want to write a new story. I began by opening a door that I tried to close many, many years ago. I did it as honestly and with as much love as I knew how. Now I am waiting to see if my brother will come through that door. Either way, I will be at peace.
The rain is beginning to abate. This entry has become long enough. It is time to settle into this moment of serenity and simply be.